I. Titles

Name: The Evolution Movement

Slogan: "Converting idiots since 1859!"

Political Party Name: Evolution Movement Party

Creators: Darius & Matt

Official Colors: Red, Gold, and Gray

Official Mascot: Chimpanzee

Color Meanings:

Red - The furry red hide of an Orangutan

Gold - The stuff that makes us rich

Gray - Respect for the colorblind

II. Goals

A. Principle Goals

1. Banning of religion in the government.

2. ¼ lb. of free candy for every U.S. citizen (immigrants get 1/2 the amount of candy as citizens do.) on a bimonthly basis.

3. Equality of all races and genders, but not religious beliefs.

4. Establishment of Primeape rights.

5. Free-willed scientific expansion.

6. Abolition of the private-owned media.

B. Goal Definitions

1. Religion - An organized cult created by crazy psychics to dictate the past, present, and future of stupid people.

2. Candy - A sweet treat composed of sugars with added color or chocolate.

3. Primeape Rights - Rights given to all species within the Primeape genus; equal to human rights and civil human liberties.

III. Rules and Principles

A. Rules

1. Belief of evolution, as proposed by Charles Darwin in 1859.

2. Equality between Primeapes and Humans.

3. Rejection of extremist organized churches.

4. Consumption of candy.

5. Hatred of the media.

B. Principles

1. Everybody should reject extreme traditional ideas. The more modern our ideas get, the better. If we lived by the same principles as Jesus, then we would still be dirty little bastards living in dirt holes.

2. Primeapes are our closest ancestors. Since humans originally come from primitive microscopic cells, it is reasonable to say that Primeapes are the closest living species related to us after natural selection.

3. Religions should be allowed to be picked on, just as much as races and celebrity figures. You're not stuck with your religion for the rest of your life, unlike your skin color and heritage. If you are offended by religious remarks, remember, it is YOUR CHOICE to believe in that religion. You were never forced to.

4. Candy is good for you.

5. The media sucks. Private owned media channels give shitty news service and they always magnify the problems of the world instead of the good parts of the world. "Hey bitches, let's talk about celebrities and their pregnancies instead of actual news!"

6. Stupid people have always existed, they exist, and they will always exist. You can't avoid stupid people. Most people were meant to be stupid. It's just a process of nature. You can't have smart people without stupid people. The purpose is to take advantage of stupid people to get across your opinions. For example, Christianity. If stupid people didn't accept Christianity, this movement wouldn't even exist in the first place. Now that we have stupid people believing in Christianity, we have wonderful opportunities like this.

We are proud believers in evolution and we share a mutual hatred for creationist beliefs. We also proudly respect the consumption of candy, the belief of Primeape rights, and the hatred for the media. Our opinions are just as fair as every other.

LONG LIVE THE EVOLUTION MOVEMENT!